At the Core of Memory


[Excerpted from a comment on list]: I fear that I might be deluding myself, painting myself an illusionary world, peopled with illusionary people and false memories, implanted into me by books and daily life.

===This is not something I see as a problem. The issue is not that the info may have come from other sources than "memory", but how one uses that information.

===Memory is a funny thing...the memories that we have even more so. We are trying to translate things across time and space...across realities. We want to expect that they are unaffected by the changes in perspective...we want to think that they are inviolate. We are not often correct in this want...nor can we ever be really sure.

===This is one reason I strive for the feel...and the honoring of what we think we have. I consider the memories to be one way our souls and minds try to tell us something. There is little way that I think we can take those past memories literally...they have been through a lot, and they are being re-read by a very different physical brain. The original thoughts and feelings were experienced by a different physical (or non-physical) form....it is nonsensical to be upset that things may be a bit jumbled.

===It is also nonsensical to try to make them into a coherent memory whole...for the most part, we are only getting jits and jots...our minds trying to re-translate information so that we have something that we can use to let us know that something is different about us.

===So I try for the essential feel...using those memories to bring out the inner current....that which those memories are TRYING to bring out...not the "original person", but the current that ties that soul and this one together across time, space, reality, and delusion.

===The past is there...and we SHOULD try to bring what we can though...but to help us capture the current, the inspiration...not to re-remember things as they were, but to assist in the formation of the now. We have a bit of the map of our Wyrd...seen through a broken watchglass kaleidoscope. If we can get that feel, that essence...well, we will never know for certain who we were...but we will be honoring it more by bringing the threads together to find the best manifestation of who is to be in the now.

===I would say bring it through, and find the threads that bind the flow to it's tapestry of self... people without a point of reference that helps them understand who we are will never really understand except in relation to who we are.... what we embody...what we invoke in relation to THEM. we can only help them understand by embodying that current, and letting them feel what it is here. They may never understand the past self we are calling on...but they will get a reaction to what we are NOW.

===I hope this helps...this is how I search for what I am...and try to bring together those bits that make me who I am..the past flows that I know are there, but that I know I can never be. Those flows of memory that I have to always ask myself "where are they from"....because I can never be CERTAIN that they are the "truth". The only thing I can be sure of is the current that they are....the feel...and that is my only real guidepost in this search.

===So it does not matter where the inspiration comes from...as long as I find that feel of flow in what I do. As long as I am honest in accepting that the flow of true could be from an RPG, a Myth, a Dream, or a Knowing...and I honor where the inspiration came from..then I know I am not deluding myself. Balance in the honor....and the awareness that I need to be truthful in what inspires me to feel the flow...