People sometimes ask why I am so hard to reach. I like phones, but not as a lifestyle.
Perhaps it is just me, but I feel no need to call people every few days to get full and complete updates on their lives. I like things like Live Journal, email, and online chat. These forums allow people to write things up, and then discussion can go from there if people really want to talk.
It may be that I am not as addicted to people as others are. I meet people, make strong connections at some times, but I do not feel the connection goes away if I am not in contact with the person. I know people I consider very good friends, who I only hear from once in a great while. I have an elf friend out there who pops up out of the blue, sends me some amazing stuff, and then disappears for a year or two. This diminishes the friendship not at all.
I like social gatherings and I like seeing people, but I do not base my impressions of friendship upon these things. I base friendship on the person and myself. After that, I may also look at associations and question why they are there. If someone is talking to people who hate me with an abiding passion and go out of their way to harass me, there is a problem. The explanation that "we all need someone to talk to" is not sufficient. These are what I would consider "social friendships".
Friendships based on personal interests and pulls are fine, and are the ones that are in and of themselves sufficient. This type of friendship is what I strive to find, and involve those who go beyond the social interaction. They interact as equals, not as social constructs and images. The self-sufficient ones know that they are, and realise that no matter what, they are friends as long as they are embodying who they are. Those that do this, recognise the others...
The old lessons come in and are re-learned anew....and more deeply. The following quotations come to mind and further define what I am talking about:
"For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not, no explanation will suffice."
"...So be it but keep the ones away from me who'd suck whatever moisture is still there."
The second quotation is a fragment of a poem, written from the perspective of someone who has become dry in the soul from all the 'shoulds' coming from those who need to force the embodiment of their flow into the 'acceptable'. I am now seeing that so many feed off of the ones who try to embody their inner flow. They call us "friends" and try to feed off the light (or dark....never forget the dark), but they never DO anything that is of purity of the self. They make the noise, but never show the results. They do social things so that they can feed, not to provide something they feel needs to be done.
I am seeing a lot of this, a lot of people willing to take the easy path of living off others, and not doing things themselves. They live relationships for the adrenaline, the addiction, the rush. Then they feed the addiction more by breaking the relations apart, feeding on the pain they bring others, while thinking they are healthy.
This is the time of the culling...and I am hoping that I am seeing the real lesson. The lesson is that you can see the worth in an individual's refinement, and the important ones will be able to tell. I am learning that perhaps one does need to not be so accepting, the ones who have gone through their own refinement process will know their own, and will congregate when they need to.
I am also learning to look for the attitudes, and determine what they are willing to tolerate (and NOT tolerate) in their presence. There are things I will not tolerate, and I am making my judgments based on them.
Proof is in the doing.